Change is Inevitable... [insert kicking and screaming]

The idea of moving back to Portland,TX is harder to swallow when the weather is really nice, yesterday was not necessarily one of those days...

It's so hot outside, it's just silly.  Really.

Most of our friends and family already know that we're moving back to Portland, TX to stay with my mom for a while.  "It's the smart thing to do."  That's what I keep telling myself.  Brent and I are extremely fortunate to have so many family members that actually want us to come stay with them.  Portland is closer to all of our family (Dad's only about 20 minutes away in Corpus, and Brent's folks are only about an hour north in Seadrift).  And, being that neither of us are able to work right now (and we're 3 hours away from everyone) it's just best to lease our property here in Bryan.  We also both have some pretty cool job offers down around Corpus, so there are a lot of things pushing us South.  But still, it's bittersweet.  True, Brent and I were already talking about moving to the Corpus area before cancer returned, but then, it was under our terms.  Now, I admit, I feel like a failure.  Moving back in with your parents?  Rarely something someone wants to do.  I know, I know.  I shouldn't feel this way, but I do.  And trust me, it's nothing personal against any of our parents, they are all wonderful, really. 

Mom and Dad have both been extremely supportive of everything, and are really good at reminding me that this is a TEMPORARY situation, and that Brent and I WILL have a home of our own again soon.  This is just temporary... our current mantra. 

The good news is that Mom has an awesome house with a great view of the bay, and Dad and Brent are both excited about going fishing (or talking about fishing) whenever and as often as they want.  The beach is awesome, always.  Tater and June Bug (the dog and cat, respectively) should be fine at Mom's, and the horses will be fine too.  It'll be great to be closer to the ranch in Beeville.  And, I can't help but think that this is also God's way of getting us to make some changes in our lives.  We're listening.  The only real downer, about moving back to the coast is hurricane season.  Oh well, at least most of our stuff will already be packed up.

On another note, I collect hearts of all kinds.  Check out what I found outside... <3

Score!

A perfect shade of turquoise...

I had other ideas for today, but as I have learned, things don't always work out how we have planned.

In the meantime, this is my new bridle.  It's trashy, and I love it.... Yes, those are rhinestones.  Lots of them.  Sparkle sparkle, baby.

I used to ride with a friend that refused to ever use polo wraps that were any color other than black or white because it was "unprofessional".  My navy ones?  Way too flamboyant, crazy girl!  I've decided that too many of us (myself included) have spent too much time taking ourselves WAY too seriously.  Don't get me wrong-- there is a time and a place to look and act professional, but I am done letting what others think control so many of my thoughts and actions.  Don't worry, I am not taking the full leap to leopard-print-everything.  Girrafe-print or argyle-everything?  Now that's a possibility!

In tonight's dreams... Haha! <-- click me!  Don't tell Brent!  :)

There are just some things in life that I refuse to spend time worrying about anymore.  Money?  We all must have it to live in a house, eat, etc., but I am letting go of worrying about money.  I will continue to work hard, and I have faith that it will work out.  School?  I will get finished.  It's just not the most important thing in my life right now.  Geez, think of all the wasted time I spent worrying about exams and papers.  Death?  All of our lives ultimately end the same way, and it's inevitable.  Even God tells us not to worry... "Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about its own things. Sufficient for the day is its own trouble." (Matthew 6:34). 

Don't worry so much.  Take it one day at a time.  Check.

Are you there God? It's me, Coral.

Well, Brent and I had a long day driving to, in, and home from Houston today.  So, I had some time to do some thinking... serious thinking... about how to put some of my very consuming thoughts into words.  I'm going to talk about God now... Don't be scared.

First, I realize that yes, Brent and I are in a tough situation, and I am not small-minded enough to think that we are the ONLY ones in this world in a tough situation.  Many are in tougher situations, many are not.  Keep that in mind, eventhough most of the forthcoming information is directly related to us.

Do I believe in God?  Yes.  Have I had my doubts?  Yes.  I think this is OK.  It's hard for many people to believe unwaveringly in something that they cannot collect nonsubjective data on and then analyze... BUT I do believe in the validity of observational studies (for those not familiar/don't care about science-- that's the types of studies based solely on observation) when applied correctly.  Here's what I have seen at work in my life lately.  I hope you will use this evidence as a tool for good instead of evil.  :)

1) Brent's cancer was detected early because it JUST happened to be associated with a tooth infection.  Who helped us detect it and start treatment early?  God.

2) Brent was IMMEDIATELY accepted into the #1 cancer treatment hospital (MD Anderson) by pretty much being "in the right place at the right time".  FYI-  It's usually takes weeks or months to get in to MDA, especially for those that do not have health insurance.  Who got Brent into MDA with some of MDA's BEST doctors?  God (through family friends).  Praise be to God.

3) Who stood by both of us unwaveringly throughout Brent's surgery, recovery, and radiation?  God (and our family and friends too, of course).  Does He continue to be obviously present in our daily lives, even as we push through the current chemotherapy program?  Absolutely, yes.  Can we honestly FEEL God's presence?  Yes.  Has God spoken to us directly?  Yes.  And who said the voices in your head were bad!!!

And then there are the countless other "coincidences" that have happened throughout the past months (not to mention the rest of our lives).  And, just like in research-- when you end up with so many "coincidences", it's only right to start looking for the connection.  -->God<--.  "Luck" can ONLY get you so far.  Someone greater is at work here folks.

OK, here's where it get's tricky for me.  Who started all this cancer-mess in the first place?  God.  Ouch. 

Some argue that God does not cause cancer (especially the folks at MDA), but most believe that each of our plans are laid out and guided by God from before our birth, throughout our earthly lives, and into Heaven.  Am I mad at God when I see how cancer and its treatments have taken their toll on Brent.  Yes.  And, I'm OK with that too... now.  And I am working on that part of my relationship with God.

I know God has a plan.  I know I may not be capable of understanding said plan in my weakling human state, but I know that we will be OK.  And yes, there are COUNTLESS MAJOR LESSONS that Brent and I have learned from our situation that have greatly improved our lives already... tomorrow's blog?

I have friends that haven't accepted God.  This makes me sad.  Even more so that I would probably feel the same way if I were in some of their shoes.  But, I can promise this: I will pray for them daily so that they too will feel God's love when it is right.  I know that I wouldn't have made it this far in life without God, and I know He will take me through anything He has planned.

I promise not every post will be based on religion.  But this is just something that has been consuming a lot of my thoughts lately, and I feel like I just lost 10 pounds getting it out there.

OK.  That is all.  <3

Can you hear me?

Testing.  Testing.  1-2-3.  Anyone out there?

Life is full of adventures.  Some are awesome, and some are really really scary.  Blogging is my next adventure.  Why?  I don't know.  Shouldn't I be working on that dissertation?  Yes.  But I need a break from life, and I need some sort of outlet to help me keep my sanity.  So, here it is.  The good (my wonderful marriage), the bad (the unfinished dissertation), and the ugly (cancer sucks).

Do I want my friends to read this?  Honestly, I dont know.  Everyone's invited, but I urge them to take everything I say or do with a grain of salt.  This could be a train wreck.  It's a crazy time in my life, and some of that may have rubbed off on me.